Meeting a man without kids nowadays is practically slim to none. Even as a gay man I’ve come across a few who've approached me with munchkins from a previous relationship. Each time it happened I was left a tad speechless. It's one thing to come across a man who formally dated women, but then adding kids into the mix brings things to another level.
In my early twenties almost all my girlfriends had the “No Kids” rule chiseled in stone, but now as thirty peeks around the corner the story is changing. One girlfriend of mine is entertaining a guy who has two kids half her age by two different women. Let’s just say she’s simply happy the toddler years are long gone. For the record, she has no kids herself.
They say with age comes wisdom, but how true is that?
It seems like we learn to compromise more the older we get. At the end of the day no one is perfect, but learning to accept another person’s baggage is a major key to making any relationship work.
The question is where are you willing to compromise?
Personally, speaking I'm still a no go for dating a man with children. The idea of being "the other man" stepping into the family portrait would be too much to bear. I'm sure there would be a sense of betrayal from the woman. .
How To React To The News
Refrain from passing any kind of judgment. This means to hold back the facial expressions and the overbearing questions. Listen to the information he’s offering up. You can dig another time for more dirt.
Children are usually a touchy subject so it's easier offer up the initial listening ear.
Realize The Child Comes First
It sucks, but it's true. His child or children in some cases will always be the priority. In a unique situation such as this, you’re gonna have to be the adult and understand that he has a first priority, which isn’t you.
Don’t be surprised if plans have to be canceled last minute or your night out turns into a night in. As we all know kids can be unpredictable. After all, you should want to be with a man who knows how to prioritize his time and tend to his child’s needs. These are valuable signs of the kind of father he may be to your children one day.
Case of The Ex
Dealing with anyone’s ex can be hit or miss.
The best thing you can ever do is bring forth your best attitude with a lot of confidence on the side. She may be Cruella de Vil in the flesh, but don't let it ruffle your feathers. Sadly, you have to be the adult yet again no matter how petty you may want to be.
Save the, “Why is she calling you at this time?”
“Why are you going to her house?”
“Why did she just tag you in this pic?”
You’ll simply be wasting your time. Sometimes the questions aren't even needed. You know exactly what you can and cannot handle.
See The Bigger Picture
Never forget what brought you together. In the midst of everything pause and see why you decided to be a part of the equation. Depending on the depth of the relationship you're now assisting in the structuring the next level. To put it simple this is becoming your family.
Place any differences aside and focus more on the direction everyone is working towards.
Before getting in too deep pump your brakes and reflect on your happiness. You deserve that much needed time to see if this is what you really want.
Compromising only works for those who are willing to do it. Pressure can be a bitch, but your happiness at the end of the day is what matters more. Honor your feelings early on or you'll end up resenting him later.
Remember your choice is always relevant.