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Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard, “You’ll never get a man if you don’t change [insert characteristic here].
Slowly raises right hand.
It's funny how some people seem to become an expert in loving another person, but never acknowledge the importance of self-love.
The truth is until you reach self-love, self-worth, and self-appreciation loving another person isn’t possible. There were times before I too fell short on the list.
Coming from an immigrant household I was raised to respect others, have good manners, and most importantly never embarrass my parents. Somewhere in-between those lessons, they missed the mark on self-love. I’m not discrediting my parents, but there were countless missed opportunities to help build up my self-esteem.
We’ve all had those “friends” who weren’t really friends and guys we could have curved earlier if we knew a little better. My significant process began when I decided to “come out.” Now I know I was beginning the process of loving me.
For years I was being everything to everyone else and last to myself. Now I’ve flipped it 180 degrees were I come first and everything else follows. No, this doesn’t mean I’m selfish but now wiser. See if you don't take care of self first you can’t be any good to anyone else. Even on a plane, the instructions are to place the mouthpiece yourself first before helping your neighbor.
CUT THE DEAD WEIGHT
First things first, begin weeding out the dead weight in your life. This includes people, places, and things. I remember calling up close friends who I loved dearly. I knew deep down inside if someone couldn't love me for who I really was then there was no space for them in my next chapter.
Although this can be hard its a must. If not you’ll be reverting back to old ways and habits. Again taking this time to be selfish is perfectly fine.
The same goes for family. Sadly, there are some members I no long speak to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them any less, but I respect them and myself enough to love them from afar.
Start only using positive words and affirmations over your life. There’s absolutely no space or time to waste on negativity. Even words like “if” should now be replaced with “when.”
Small acts like this create large leaps and bounds in all areas of living.
For example, “If I only had the money...” is now “When I have the money...”
This allows you to create and imagine what you want around you. The life you are living in essentially what you’ve always wanted. You’re literally on the path of where you want to be. You’re simply in process of getting to the goal. Believe it to your core.
SET THE STANDARD
I’m sure you’ve heard “Treat other’s the way you want to be treated.” Well, start treating yourself that way first. It's your obligation to set the tone for those around you. People take heed to how you respect yourself. It’s apparent in how to you carry and talk about yourself.
In dating, the same goes. If you treat yourself any kind of way a man will do the same. Now there are points when guys do slip up, but that’s when the correction comes in. This doesn’t mean fight and tussle, but let it be known what you do and do not approve.
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I remember feeling if no one else would love me then loving myself would be enough.
Start appreciating you for simply being you. Any “flaw” you have pause for a moment and learn to embrace it. There is no love equal to how you love yourself.
Go to the nice restaurant.
Get the dessert.
Get your manicure.
Use the good sheets.
Get the shoes.
Take that dream vacation.
Stop waiting for a reason. You are the reason. At the end of the day learning to love, yourself is a process, but an amazing process to embark upon. Go for it and start doing it.