Growing up majority of my friends have always been from the opposite sex. There’s something about you all that I’ve always admired and appreciated in our companionship outside of romance. Whether if a bully made a snarky remark or chatting about the latest episode of Girlfriends you just... GOT IT!
I wouldn’t have made it through my adolescences if it weren't for those amazing and strong willed girl besties. Some of my most memorable and challenging experiences were shared with them right beside me. Still till this day we’ve maintained substance and cemented a foundation like no other, but along the way there has been a shift.
Ask any gay man and he can explain the change.
Let’s debunk some stereotypes for the hell of it. Yes, we’re known to love fashion, hair, makeup, and maybe even sporting women’s clothing, but not all of us do. Even Grace had Will who was the contrary to Jack on Will & Grace. The point is not to group us under the same umbrella. Just as your hair texture differs from the woman beside you, our characteristics aren’t the same.
Here are some pointers...
Don’t Set Us Up
Every gay man can attest to that moment when a girlfriend tries to hook them up with a friend. This is a huge mistake. Never do this. At least 7 out of 10 times you’re wrong about your friend’s type.
There was a time my cousin caught herself dabbling in my love life trying to set me up with a friend of hers. She went as far as linking us through Facebook. Can you believe the look of desperation? I was absolutely mortified. Your best bet is to observe from the sidelines and chat with us when we bring up our love life. Don't look to find the solution, but be more of a listening ear.
Shopping With You Can Be Hell
Urban legend depicts gay men as the ultimate shopping buddy and that’s certainly not true. We don’t want to carry your bags around the mall like an assistant. Nor do we want to watch you change 1,000 times to make one selection. You either like it or you don’t. However, we’ll let you know how to tweak something or ditch it all together after you buy it. *Wink*
Flashback to the days when I couldn’t picture myself taking a trip to the mall solo. Nowadays I strictly shop alone. This doesn’t mean I never go with a friend, but if I do it’s just for them and not me.
We’re Not Your Rebound
We love you, but we’re NOT IN LOVE with you. We get it, the single life can be a drag, but no need to try and shift your sexual frustration this way. Strictly di… (well you know the rest.)
Don’t Make Us Bait Your Man
So you want to make sure your man is completely straight. Understood. Now you have the genius idea to have your gay bestie look into it. Pause right there. If we even have an inkling we'll let you know, especially as your gay bestie. Please don’t put us in the awkward position of baiting him. Its extremely offensive and can go so wrong. Plus you never know how your man might react.
The thought alone feels so out of line.
We’re More Than The Good Time Friend
We’re not just the life of the party or the friend that’s an easy lay. Let’s be real there are sluts in all orientations. Try and think again before assuming we know where all the bathhouses are. Step into our shoes for a mere moment and see life from our perspective. There is so much to learn from asking. Trust there's no judgement in wanting to understand.
I know plenty of gay men including myself who are out of touch with plenty of stereotypes.
THIS WAS NOT A..
There are misconceptions for nearly every subculture and the gay community is no different. These were just a few in need of debunking. This doesn’t mean we’re not “Good Judys” just giving a needed heads up!