Tweet This #BestieTip.
When I started playing the field to call me pathetic was a compliment. Especially, being gay and oblivious to the nature of gay men, or shall I say men in general. Everything I "knew" about dating either came from an episode of Moesha or something I heard ease-dropping in conversations I had no business in.
My first date went down at 18. I know you can stop judging. I’ll never forget how it happened. There I was walking to work and a car pulled up asking for directions. Seconds into speaking he compliments my looks. Quickly, I was baffled to think a guy would really flirt with me. Although a little startled I stayed calm and played it cool. He gave me his number and then took off.
You’re probably thinking why didn’t he offer me a ride like a gentleman, well he didn’t.
Besides I was super excited to even be noticed and had no clue what to do with myself. A guy really found me attractive and wanted to pursue me. WAIT ME?
Remember this was coming from a former chubby kid who never thought love would ever come his way.
After days of late night chats a endless text (prior to unlimited text, but I didn’t care) we decided to have our first date. I’ll be honest the first attempt I STOOD HIM UP. I had a classic case of cold feet. I was super scared he would discover something he didn't like physically about me. By far one of my worse decisions ever. Eventually we rescheduled and made it to our official first meet up.
Clearly I was a newbie in need of dyer help. Here are some key points NEVER to do on a first date.
Arrive Late | Stand Him Up
Date or no date punctuality is a must. As I’ve said before, “Time is too expensive for it to be wasted.” Arriving on time most importantly shows you're a person of your word. I know fashionably late is cute and all, but it can also leave a bad first impression. Respect him and yourself by showing up at the selected time.
I had a bestie get SCREWED with the bill for showing up late. You never know who you’re messing with at the end of the day.
A Bad Attitude
The whole point of a first date is your introduction. You can at least come with an open mind and a good attitude. This means leave that list you have tucked away in your journal on the nightstand at home. See him for who he is and what he can offer. Even if you don’t have a love connection off bat he could still be useful.
I for one dated a man who became "Mr. Fix It" oppose to "Mr. Right." I'm just saying.
Pay attention and be attentive to him, the conversation, or the task at hand. Missing out on whatever is discussed will later bite you in the butt. Believe it or not, but people can pick up when you’re trying to play along like you didn't miss what was said. Try again.
You can put your phone on vibrate right about... NOW!
Name dropping, boasting, or arrogance is a sure fire way to get rid of me. Anytime a first date mentions how much he makes or who he knows only makes me sleepy. Its nice to hear accomplishments, but if you define who you are only with what you do from 9 to 5 I’m not interested. There is a difference when sharing information of relevance and pointlessness. Learn the difference.
Mentioning Your Ex More Than Once
Refrain from bringing up your ex too much. Remember its over. I would give guys a pass if they mentioned their ex once, but if their name came up numerous times I turned the date into a therapy session. Its an indicator feelings are apparently still there.
Go To The Movies
If you’re 25 and up heading to the movies is an amateur move. You're suppose to be getting to know one another. A true gentleman will ask you where you would like to go. If you're so fortunate, I recommend taking a class of some sort. Classes either cause you to work together or compete. For example, a cooking class or a painting class gives insight on how the both of you can practice team building.
Leave Your Coin
Never assume he's paying. Yes, I said it. Believe it or not paying the tab can be a little tricky. I know for women 9 out of 10 it’s expected for the man to pay, but if you’re a gay man like myself this can blow up in your face. I’ve actually never had a problem with treating a man out if I initiated the date, but many have missed that memo. Bring cash and your card just to be safe. I’ve even paid for the tab on a date I didn’t initiate because he had no money. Needless to say it went nowhere. BOY BYE!
Moral to the story be aware of how you conduct yourself from start to finish. Dating should be FUN and light-hearted. There is no investment as of yet, so make the best of the situation. By the time you’re in your mid to late twenties weeding out the “Hell Nos” will be a lot easier.
If you’re under 25 and still a newbie to dating like I was at 18, take this a run with it! This would've been my saving grace a few years ago.